The much anticipated (by who?) Christmas blog had to take yet another back seat momentarily. Please enjoy the following open letter to the owner of the dog that keeps knocking over my trash can. If you happen to know the area I live in, and happen to know who would own such a dog, please let me know so I can deliver this to him in person.
Dear Sir,
For the past three months, I’ve been having somewhat of a power struggle with your dog. Allow me to explain.
In the beginning, it’s quite possible I was at fault. I can see where I may have been guilty of enticing your dog by leaving my waste container by the sidewalk every day. You see, I just found it more convenient to leave the trash can by the sidewalk, and then just roll it a few feet on Thursday mornings to stage it for pickup. I suppose being the only house in my immediate location with a constantly beckoning container of table scraps left by the side of the road would be pretty irresistible to me as well (if I were a dog, of course). Not historically being a quick learner, I would clean up whatever refuse your dog declared unappetizing enough to consume on the spot, and continue to leave my waste container by the sidewalk. I would dismiss each as an isolated incident, and hope it wouldn’t happen again. Luckily, my wife has been home this past week and decided to clean out our freezer. She loaded up the rubbish receptacle with long forgotten about meat, vegetables and pudding pops, and left the can by our garage. Knowing your dog is a lazy one, I had no fear it would walk the extra 15 feet onto my land to scatter our weekly trash asunder. It turns out I was correct in this assumption, as our trash can was left untouched all week. Relishing in my minor victory over your unintelligent dog, I rolled my garbage can to the staging area last night. A brazen move, I know. I left mine 3 feet from my neighbors matching green plastic dumpster on wheels. As I drove off to work early this morning, and passed my very upright garbage bin, a smile broke out across my face. I couldn’t help but feel superior for thwarting your dumb dog’s efforts to dine on my rejected food waste. For five full hours at work, I would imagine the look on your dogs face as it realized the easy meal was not where it should be. It would be wandering the streets in the middle of the night in search of delectable treats, but finding none. It would return to your house, sad, lonely, dejected and hungry. Rib bones would be protruding through its mangy fur, and for no other reason than looking as pathetic as possible, it would be limping. When I returned home for lunch, I found my empty garbage can where it usually is after the garbage man gets through emptying its contents into his truck – left askew in the middle of the road, and only in the general vicinity of my driveway. As I walked over to retrieve my waste receptacle, my feeling of triumph quickly faded away. I noticed a note sticking out from under the lid. It was a form note with pre-printed phrases on it that the garbage man would circle to fit whatever message it was he intended to pass along. In this case, the circled phrase was “Your waste was scattered when we arrived”. It was at this moment that I noticed an unopened luncheon meat package, an empty Black Butte Porter bottle, 3 brown banana peels, 4 ½ baby back rib bones, and 2 empty Pepsi Throwback cans lying in the gutter. Humbly, I collected the items your idiot dog decided to leave behind, and rolled my garbage bin back to its safe place by the garage.
Up to this point, I’m sure you’re uncertain as to the intent of this letter, so let me explain that.
First: I would like to express my hope that your dog ate the 7 month old raw chicken that was in there. I also hope it vomits said chicken on your carpet and/or area rug. I would also be pleased if it pooped on your sofa, but I understand such things aren’t very realistic.
Second: I would sure enjoy catching a glimpse of your dog in the act so I could do one of two things. I would either kick that useless animal upside down, backwards and inside-out, or follow him back to your place of residence so I could beat you like you owe me money. I feel fairly confident you would be locking your mutt inside the house at night after having to walk into work the next morning wearing your ass as a hat.
I certainly hope this hasn’t come across as too abrasive, and I would never wish harm on your flea bag dog, but I do hope that raw pork gives him a terrible case of worms so he will drag his disgusting hind quarters across your carpet and/or area rug.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions about this. You can find my house by looking for the undisturbed garbage can resting next to a garage door.
Respectfully Yours,
Your Neighbor
*Note to the reader: I know for a fact it’s a dog due to the fact that each time I find my garbage can lying on its side, it’s accompanied by the telltale paw prints in the mud and/or snow of a dog. Not a raccoon, skunk, mountain lion or beaver.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Unsoclicted Endorsement
This may be an odd topic, but after last night’s experience, I felt compelled to write something. My nearly abandoned Christmas Blog has been resurrected (no pun intended) thanks to Annie, so I’ll be finishing that up in the following days. In the meantime, grab a Pepsi and enjoy the following read.
My list of guilty pleasures is a short one these days. I find it increasingly seldom that I succumb to the temptations of those things which I know are bad for me. Mostly because as I get older, my metabolism has seemingly come to a screeching halt, and it’s no longer easy for me to burn off a famous Frosty Mill World Burger, or 12 pack of Budweiser every week. When I was in my early 20’s, that's exactly what my weekly menu consisted of. Of course, the guilty pleasures that are on my list aren’t limited solely to food items. I do enjoy a fine cigar and an aged Scotch. #3 on my list, however, will come as somewhat of a surprise to most people; A Pepsi over a glass of ice. Not Coke, not RC. It has to be Pepsi. Not out of the can, not out of the bottle, and not in a cup. It has to be in a glass, and it has to be over ice. I don’t exactly know why this particular combination strikes such a nostalgic chord in me, but each time I take that first sip from the perfectly prepared glass of ice and Pepsi, I’m taken back to when I was about 6 or 7.
I can remember when I was young, it wasn’t a staple in the household. We got it occasionally, and it came in the glass bottles. After we finished a 6 pack, mom would take them back to the store for a deposit on the next 6 pack. I also remember being at my Grandparents’ house and drinking Pepsi over ice with lunch. I think it’s these memories that come back to me every time I enjoy a glass. Besides, even today it’s not something that I keep on hand on a regular basis. I don’t drink a lot of soda in general, so the occasional soda is still a treat for me.
Last year I heard that Pepsi was coming out with a limited time release called “Pepsi Throwback”. A version of Pepsi that, not only came in a cool looking can with a nod to the 1920’s logo, but is made with “Real Sugar”. Unfortunately, living in a rural area, I was never able to find it during the limited time it was in production. I’m not sure if was received better than expected by the public, or if they just wanted to give us unfortunate rural souls another shot, but they recently re-released it for a limited time.
I was as surprised as anyone to happen across it in our small local supermarket about a week ago. This time, it was sporting that great retro 80’s logo that I remember from my childhood. The “Choice of a new generation” era logo, albeit in a 20oz. plastic bottle. I quickly grabbed it up, and in my excitement, drank it straight out of the bottle. It was good…but not notably different from today’s Pepsi. I wasn’t left dissatisfied, but a bit disappointed. I chalked it up to being a sucker for marketing and dismissed it almost immediately.
Luckily, I wasn’t too quick to dismiss this magic concoction before I discovered what a gem it truly was. Last night, we found it in 12 pack, aluminum can form at the same supermarket. Again, being a sucker for marketing and advertising, I decided to give in and buy a 12 pack. As soon as I got home, I decided to do it right this time. I grabbed one of my oversize Guinness glasses, loaded it up with ice and poured my much anticipated “Pepsi Throwback”. The first sip elicited that familiar nostalgic feeling in me, but only at first. Only during the time my nose was in the glass as I was taking a drink. The follow through was completely different than regular Pepsi. It had more of a “spice” taste to it. Not a noticeable difference in sweetness, but a definite difference in taste. It seemed to have a less carbonated feel to it as well. It was, quite simply put, superb. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t notice the subtle nuances the first time I drank it. Then I realized my flaw; I drank that stuff straight out of the plastic bottle. Wasted it, is what I mean to say. I understand most good drinks need to be decanted, or poured in the proper glass in order to truly appreciate and notice the intricacies. But soda?
Shortly after my temporary satisfaction high wore off, a deep sadness hit me as I realized this stuff is only made for a limited time. I suppose all good things must come to an end. This is one of the strongest recommendations you will ever see me make. I urge you all to go treat yourself to a Pepsi Throwback in a glass with ice tonight. I bet it would go well with a bowl of popcorn (Air popped with melted butter. Try to put forth some effort in your enjoyment for crying out loud), and a movie. I was also told a Pepsi and a Hershey bar make for a great Friday night treat.
For those of you in my area, IGA is the only place in town I've found it. They also carry Mt. Dew Throwback if you're so inclined, but I'm not enough of a Mt. Dew connoisseur to give an accurate recommendation.
*A side note: Rachel got me a Pepsi in a glass bottle at a taco stand not too long ago. I had heard that Mexican versions of Pepsi are still made with real sugar, so I wanted to try one. The taco stands around Chico apparently carry this stuff, and she grabbed one up for me. When I tried it, I did in fact pour it over ice in a glass, but the flavor profile was much different. The carbonation actually seemed higher than regular Pepsi, rather than lower. This left it tasting less sweet than normal Pepsi, and with a slightly different “spice” taste. It was good as well, but very different than anything else I had tasted.
My list of guilty pleasures is a short one these days. I find it increasingly seldom that I succumb to the temptations of those things which I know are bad for me. Mostly because as I get older, my metabolism has seemingly come to a screeching halt, and it’s no longer easy for me to burn off a famous Frosty Mill World Burger, or 12 pack of Budweiser every week. When I was in my early 20’s, that's exactly what my weekly menu consisted of. Of course, the guilty pleasures that are on my list aren’t limited solely to food items. I do enjoy a fine cigar and an aged Scotch. #3 on my list, however, will come as somewhat of a surprise to most people; A Pepsi over a glass of ice. Not Coke, not RC. It has to be Pepsi. Not out of the can, not out of the bottle, and not in a cup. It has to be in a glass, and it has to be over ice. I don’t exactly know why this particular combination strikes such a nostalgic chord in me, but each time I take that first sip from the perfectly prepared glass of ice and Pepsi, I’m taken back to when I was about 6 or 7.
I can remember when I was young, it wasn’t a staple in the household. We got it occasionally, and it came in the glass bottles. After we finished a 6 pack, mom would take them back to the store for a deposit on the next 6 pack. I also remember being at my Grandparents’ house and drinking Pepsi over ice with lunch. I think it’s these memories that come back to me every time I enjoy a glass. Besides, even today it’s not something that I keep on hand on a regular basis. I don’t drink a lot of soda in general, so the occasional soda is still a treat for me.
Last year I heard that Pepsi was coming out with a limited time release called “Pepsi Throwback”. A version of Pepsi that, not only came in a cool looking can with a nod to the 1920’s logo, but is made with “Real Sugar”. Unfortunately, living in a rural area, I was never able to find it during the limited time it was in production. I’m not sure if was received better than expected by the public, or if they just wanted to give us unfortunate rural souls another shot, but they recently re-released it for a limited time.
I was as surprised as anyone to happen across it in our small local supermarket about a week ago. This time, it was sporting that great retro 80’s logo that I remember from my childhood. The “Choice of a new generation” era logo, albeit in a 20oz. plastic bottle. I quickly grabbed it up, and in my excitement, drank it straight out of the bottle. It was good…but not notably different from today’s Pepsi. I wasn’t left dissatisfied, but a bit disappointed. I chalked it up to being a sucker for marketing and dismissed it almost immediately.
Luckily, I wasn’t too quick to dismiss this magic concoction before I discovered what a gem it truly was. Last night, we found it in 12 pack, aluminum can form at the same supermarket. Again, being a sucker for marketing and advertising, I decided to give in and buy a 12 pack. As soon as I got home, I decided to do it right this time. I grabbed one of my oversize Guinness glasses, loaded it up with ice and poured my much anticipated “Pepsi Throwback”. The first sip elicited that familiar nostalgic feeling in me, but only at first. Only during the time my nose was in the glass as I was taking a drink. The follow through was completely different than regular Pepsi. It had more of a “spice” taste to it. Not a noticeable difference in sweetness, but a definite difference in taste. It seemed to have a less carbonated feel to it as well. It was, quite simply put, superb. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t notice the subtle nuances the first time I drank it. Then I realized my flaw; I drank that stuff straight out of the plastic bottle. Wasted it, is what I mean to say. I understand most good drinks need to be decanted, or poured in the proper glass in order to truly appreciate and notice the intricacies. But soda?
Shortly after my temporary satisfaction high wore off, a deep sadness hit me as I realized this stuff is only made for a limited time. I suppose all good things must come to an end. This is one of the strongest recommendations you will ever see me make. I urge you all to go treat yourself to a Pepsi Throwback in a glass with ice tonight. I bet it would go well with a bowl of popcorn (Air popped with melted butter. Try to put forth some effort in your enjoyment for crying out loud), and a movie. I was also told a Pepsi and a Hershey bar make for a great Friday night treat.
For those of you in my area, IGA is the only place in town I've found it. They also carry Mt. Dew Throwback if you're so inclined, but I'm not enough of a Mt. Dew connoisseur to give an accurate recommendation.
*A side note: Rachel got me a Pepsi in a glass bottle at a taco stand not too long ago. I had heard that Mexican versions of Pepsi are still made with real sugar, so I wanted to try one. The taco stands around Chico apparently carry this stuff, and she grabbed one up for me. When I tried it, I did in fact pour it over ice in a glass, but the flavor profile was much different. The carbonation actually seemed higher than regular Pepsi, rather than lower. This left it tasting less sweet than normal Pepsi, and with a slightly different “spice” taste. It was good as well, but very different than anything else I had tasted.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Well, This is Embarassing
I guess with everything going on around here, I seem to have pushed this blog to the back burner. It wasn't something I intended to do, I assure you.
The biggest distraction of time has to be us getting everything ready for the baby's arrival. Other contributing factors include the holidays, major changes at work and no computer access at home. We still haven't found a home for it since our office was turned into a nursery. I'm hoping sometime soon we can focus on the rest of the house, but it might not be until I'm able to take some time off work.
Annie's due date is fast approaching, so now feels like that time just before any major event, where the anxiety level starts rising. We're just over 2 weeks away, and doing our double and triple checks. "Do we have everything in place? Do we need anything else?" etc. It's certainly possible for the baby to decide to make an early appearance, so I can honestly say we're ready if that day was today.
I enjoy it when people keep asking me "Are you starting to freak out yet?" To be honest, I don't see myself freaking out. I'm excited for the time to finally arrive, but freak out I will not. I refuse. I guess if everything was unplanned, and we still didn't have anything for the baby, I might "freak out". But we've been planning for this since before we found out Annie was pregnant. That does not, however, take away from our overall excitement.
Now it's time for a quick and fun FAQ for those who might not have had a chance to talk to us lately:
Q. Are you starting to freak out yet?
A. No. We are extremely excited, and totally ready for this. We have been planning it for a long time, so we're just anxious for the baby to be here.
Q. Have you thought of any names yet?
A. Yes, we've thought about plenty of names. In fact, I believe the list was even started before Annie got pregnant.
Q. What is the name?
A. We have elected not to tell people what the name is until after her birth.
Q. Why?
A. Our good friends Rob and Lilly pioneered this (in our circle of friends, anyway) tactic, and we thought it was a great one. It makes it fun for most people, and drives the others crazy. Not to mention, by the time we tell people, the ink is dried on the birth certificate, so they can make all the funny faces about our decision that they want; It won't be getting changed.
Not so much a question, but various statements: Your life will change. You never sleep ever again, and you will have to deal with projectile bodily fluids and incessant crying. Your social life as you know it is over, so you might as well kiss all of your friends goodbye. Annie: You will feel a pain you've never imagined possible, and will be begging for the sweet release of death.
A. Thanks for all the pleasant tips. I can understand telling a 16 year old girl all of these things before she gets pregnant, but you don't say those things to two adults who have been trying to get pregnant for a while, and are already pregnant! We are excited about our first child, and sorry to hear your experience with parenthood was such a bust.
My next entry will be much more in depth. I apologize for not having updated this in a while. I have one started explaining this year's Christmas and all the fun toys I got. You'll want to tune in for that one.
The biggest distraction of time has to be us getting everything ready for the baby's arrival. Other contributing factors include the holidays, major changes at work and no computer access at home. We still haven't found a home for it since our office was turned into a nursery. I'm hoping sometime soon we can focus on the rest of the house, but it might not be until I'm able to take some time off work.
Annie's due date is fast approaching, so now feels like that time just before any major event, where the anxiety level starts rising. We're just over 2 weeks away, and doing our double and triple checks. "Do we have everything in place? Do we need anything else?" etc. It's certainly possible for the baby to decide to make an early appearance, so I can honestly say we're ready if that day was today.
I enjoy it when people keep asking me "Are you starting to freak out yet?" To be honest, I don't see myself freaking out. I'm excited for the time to finally arrive, but freak out I will not. I refuse. I guess if everything was unplanned, and we still didn't have anything for the baby, I might "freak out". But we've been planning for this since before we found out Annie was pregnant. That does not, however, take away from our overall excitement.
Now it's time for a quick and fun FAQ for those who might not have had a chance to talk to us lately:
Q. Are you starting to freak out yet?
A. No. We are extremely excited, and totally ready for this. We have been planning it for a long time, so we're just anxious for the baby to be here.
Q. Have you thought of any names yet?
A. Yes, we've thought about plenty of names. In fact, I believe the list was even started before Annie got pregnant.
Q. What is the name?
A. We have elected not to tell people what the name is until after her birth.
Q. Why?
A. Our good friends Rob and Lilly pioneered this (in our circle of friends, anyway) tactic, and we thought it was a great one. It makes it fun for most people, and drives the others crazy. Not to mention, by the time we tell people, the ink is dried on the birth certificate, so they can make all the funny faces about our decision that they want; It won't be getting changed.
Not so much a question, but various statements: Your life will change. You never sleep ever again, and you will have to deal with projectile bodily fluids and incessant crying. Your social life as you know it is over, so you might as well kiss all of your friends goodbye. Annie: You will feel a pain you've never imagined possible, and will be begging for the sweet release of death.
A. Thanks for all the pleasant tips. I can understand telling a 16 year old girl all of these things before she gets pregnant, but you don't say those things to two adults who have been trying to get pregnant for a while, and are already pregnant! We are excited about our first child, and sorry to hear your experience with parenthood was such a bust.
My next entry will be much more in depth. I apologize for not having updated this in a while. I have one started explaining this year's Christmas and all the fun toys I got. You'll want to tune in for that one.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
