It's Just a Ride

I feel a little bad that my first post on this page in what has been an extended period of inactivity should be a rant. In truth, this post should have died at the inception of the random idea in the first place. I almost just made it a Facebook post, but then I decided I could pad it with the usual nonsense and make slightly more worthwhile to waste your valuable time reading.

These last few days of hotel living has started to wear on me, and really put me in an intolorent
mood. Feel free to take everything I say with a grain of salt.


My rant kicks off with a wise ass list shown below.


Things considered carnival rides:
The Ferris Wheel
Tilt-A-Whirl
Gravatron
The Zipper


Things NOT considered carnival rides:
The Escalator
The Moving Sidewalk



The invention of the escalator and the moving sidewalk were not intended to be stood upon for the sole purpose of giving one a thrill. Sure, it may be a side product, but not the intended purpose. The intended purpose was to get the user to a pre-determined destination faster, and with less effort, than their standard stationary counterparts. Less effort not no effort. Now, am I guilty of standing on the steps of an escalator and letting it do all the work? Absolutely. I probably ride them more often than I walk on them. The reason, however, is usually because I'm blocked behind some thrill-seeker that is riding that bastard for all its worth, and concerned enough that it will buck them off, they find it necessary to hang on with both hands. Preventing anyone who may be a daredevil, like myself, from crazy antics like walking while the ride is in motion. Who the hell are you to look out for my best interest, sir?


There are other times that I will ride it just because I don't feel like walking. In fact, I'll ride it like it's a chore to even stand up. Often times leaning against the hand rail and all but hanging over the side. I do have consideration for other people, however. I will ride it, but stand so far off to the side that even the largest of non-lazy people can squeeze by me. I refuse to impede anyone from reaching their destination in a timely manner. I'm nothing if not accomodating to people in a rush.


/topic



This morning I was gently roused out of what was one of my better nights of sleep at approximately 5:04 a.m. by a sound that I can only describe as Chewbacca after a 12 pack of Pabst and a hit of acid (assuming Chewbacca was at least somewhat of a light-weight). At first I thought the noise was part of some strange dream. I then realized it wasn't a dream, and it was still dark out, and I had no clue where I was. After I was fully awake, I realized the noise was coming from the hallway and just outside my hotel room. I slowly got out of bed, and started to realize that the sound was that of a human. What the hell he was attempting to say was anyone's guess. As I peered through the peephole (through my bloodshot eye and bone-dry contact lense, mind you) I could make out a fairly large gentleman of about 35 in khaki shorts and a pink button-down shirt doing some sort of a dance directly in front of my door. The dance, I later came to realize, was his attempt to stay upon his two feet. This man was not drunk. He was completely blown out of his Birkenstocks and halfway out of his tube socks (oh, you thought his impeccable style quit at his pink shirt and thigh-high cargo's?).


He would side-step breifly out of my peephole view only to return twice as fast the other way. I was trying my hardest to understand what he was saying, but was only able to make out a few obscenities in his drunk/stoned/Chewbacca voice. I really do wish I could remember the phrase he kept uttering to himself, because it truly was humorous. It was just entirely too random and obscure of a phrase for even me to remember. Soon I heard him say, to no one in particular, that he would return later. If he did, he did so quietly.

I was only able to draw 2 conclusions as to why this man would have been yelling obscenities just outside my door at 5 a.m. The first is that he was not visiting this hotel alone, and his companion had dead-bolted the door when he didn't return to his room at a decent hour. The other, was that he was on the wrong floor entirely, thus his key wouldn't work in what he thought was his room. Either way, he provided me with an entertaining image to fall back alseep to.