Fudge

Ever have a moment that you think back on and it still makes you cringe? You know what I mean. Either you sent out a bad email about someone to that person by mistake, or you had a most unfortunate slip of the tongue at the most inopportune moment. Well, the latter is what happened to me some 10 years ago, and it still makes me involuntarily wince when I think about it. I’ve probably got a hundred moments I could write about, and this is certainly not the worst, it’s just one of the funnier moments.

Just out of high school and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, I obtained a job at Wal-Mart until I could settle on a career path. My job at Wal-Mart, though grossly underpaid, was one of the more fun jobs I’ve ever had. Sure, I hated it at the time, but looking back I had a lot of fun. My post was the electronics department. For the most part, I caught on quick with technology, and I like to think I was able to actually help some of the customers who were there seeking it.

Until I started working there, the last video game system I owned was the original “Nintendo Entertainment System” that I received for Christmas back around 1987. I saved enough money while working at Wal-Mart to buy a Playstation and a couple games. This is valid to the story, I assure you. Not only did I like playing video games in my spare time, but I wanted to be able to give customers honest advice and feedback when they had questions about our various game systems. Since buying a Game Cube and Dreamcast along with the Playstation was out of the question, I figured I would at least have firsthand knowledge of one game system that we sold. Another game system that was out around that time was the Nintendo Game Boy; a handheld video game system that you could take with you anywhere. I got one of those as well since they were much cheaper than the big systems.

Enter the nice lady looking to purchase a game system for her son. She was a nice lady that had absolutely no clue about video game systems, other than she didn’t want to spend a lot on one. I asked how old her son was, and for the sake of continuing the story without being hung up on me not remembering arbitrary details, we’ll say she told me he was 10. I then proceeded to find out a bit more information, such as did he want a hand held game system that he could take with him on long trips, or something that he could hook up to the T.V. and play only at home. I advised her that the best systems of each type, in my opinion, experience and for the money, were the Playstation and the Nintendo Game Boy. I then told her about each system’s pros and cons. I would switch back from telling her about the Playstation, and then about the Nintendo Game Boy.

I apologize to reiterate a small detail, but she was a very nice lady. If I were to say anyone “looks” like a Christian, this lady was it. As my memory recalls, she had on a white cashmere sweater that seemed to radiate some kind of glowing light as if she were a saint. All I could think about was trying to get this nice lady all the information that was in my head so she could make the most informed decision as a consumer. I started to really get excited that I was able to so flawlessly list every specification of each system as if I had designed them myself. I could tell my information was being properly received, because the nice lady was giving me all the right feedback. She was making all the right facial expressions of a consumer receiving an education in game systems. I was in the zone.

That’s when it happened. Some of you may have seen the handwriting on the wall from two paragraphs ago.

I was so involved in my descriptions of the game system that I made a fatal slip of the tongue. A reenactment, if I may: “Playstation does this, Game Boy does that, Playstation does this, Game Boy does that, Playboy….er….Playstation….” I didn’t need a mirror to know that my face immediately turned a raging crimson within mere seconds of those words falling out of my mouth, I could feel it. My mind went blank, but my mouth kept moving. I don’t know what else I said after that slip up, and I don’t remember if she ended up buying either system. I just remember that during that moment, time slowed down. Everything I said was slow motion, and only the word "Playboy" was enunciated with pristine clarity and utter perfection. Not only that, but it was emphasized as if it didn’t come from my vocal region, but from my diaphragm, and with great conviction. Think of A Christmas Story when Ralphie blurts out “Fudge”. That’s exactly how it was in my situation.

I noticed what I initially thought to be a slight embarrassed smile try to grace the nice lady’s face, but now I’m quite sure it was her just trying to stifle a full on laugh. After she left, I kept replaying that moment in my head. What bothered me the most, was wondering what she thought. Did she think I was just a typical perverted guy that has nothing else on his mind? Did she think I thought she belonged in such a magazine? Did she see the tricky connection between the two game systems so similar in name to the aforementioned magazine? For the remaining hours at work, and continuing on for years to come, the slightest thought about that evening would cause me to cower like a dog about to get beat. I don't remember ever seeing the nice lady in the store again after that, or in the magazine, for that matter. Who knows, maybe you're reading the story right now, nice lady.